Random musing and thoughts...

I'm tired, I'm tired of intermittent bursting into tears and all sorts of jumbled emotions I've been smacked with today. My head hurts. Fuck empathy, fuck being overly sensitive. It's all just pain.
............

I wish I could express my despair and sometimes downright loathing of the human race, of society with its contempt for anything or anyone that doesn't fit its self appointed mould of what a human being is, and gods forbid you should differ from that in any form. Who the fuck is anybody to tell me that creed, color, size, shape, spirituality or sexual preference that I or any other is lesser or deserving of your ridicule and ignorance like your something special, like your genes or choices elevate you to a higher status. Lets get something straight, your merely a human being like the rest of us, maybe a taller one, a thinner one, a prettier one yadda yadda but nothing more than one of us for all that. If your one of those who have ever acted in such a way to a fellow being, hang your head in shame and embarrassment. It's you who lose, you who limit yourself to your superficial 'clones' and pretences of friendships. Sometimes I wish it didn't feel like societies ills were mine, my responsibility, like I'm supposed to fix them, be one giant band aid and make everything all right. I don't know why I feel that way, I wouldn't know where to begin anyway. I just know that's how and what I feel.

A long time ago, having spent most of the first few months of my life in hospital, about to die my parents having been called to my side to say goodbye, an individual walked in and simply informed them it would be ok I 'had stuff to do' and I'm still here. Perhaps I'm still searching for that, still trying to understand it, this duty I feel placed on me that I get ever more frustrated at my inability to live up to as years go by and I strive to fix everything I feel, see wrong, put people right at least in the real world. Is the empathy, sensitivity, fear for the the world, humanity more about the nature I call my own though barely mentioned here, or part of what would be me in any event because of some pre determined great thing I was once told I was made for that I may never achieve?

Ever feel crazy?