Music: Cradle Of Filth - 'Absinthe With Faust'
Yes, I have been. I have felt it like a huge hollow that needs refilled, bereft of direction, empty, soulless and there is a chaos in that sort of absence that permeates every aspect of your life. Without a private and undisturbed space, where what is fundemantal to me and my beliefs may freely be 'on view' I had seemingly become complacent. Changes are afoot... I decided last night to lock my door, to take time out for me, reconnect, meditate and it was incredibly emotional, enough that I know at one point I was in tears, but one thing was repeatedly made clear and that was not to fear being me, everythng that I am, somehow I understood that really that apathy and complacency was born of a deep seated fear of those things and of others reactions and perceptions and that I can acomplish what I need to regardless somehow. I then, feeling brave, wandered out into the garden and sat there filling parchment with thoughts and wishes for myself and others watching the smoke carry them upwards as they burned and revelling in the night sky. It felt good :)
Anyway, on to more mundane ramblings that people won't find so strange lol! My friend finally left, again an entire day was devoted to cleaning up afterwards and getting my small space back to normal. She did leave me a little gift, the flu... so yeah haven't felt to great in general the last couple of days and only have my voice back properly today. Also a very cool and funny scottish chick I met at the Rasmus gig has been in touch which was realy cool, making new friends in the real world I find quite difficult so bonus! :)