*Gasps*

I am so fucked off I don't what to do... maybe I should just go away, leave everyone alone, perhaps my mother and I shouldn't have deep conversations when drunk but this is my space and things i couldn't say to her face I'm going to put down here because I need it to be out.

First off my opinions aren't "crap and a lot of shit" because they aren't yours, my beliefs aren't "fucked and strange" because they aren't yours, it's not the insult you think it is to tell I'm just like my father, the world hasn't a hit out on you and you aren't the fucking center of the universe.

Ok, I actually feel much better already :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Uh-huh, it's turkey day for all our American friends :D Have a great one folks while the rest of us go about or mundane ordinary Thursday lol!

Made it to the library and although I was expecting a fine as I was a couple of days late getting the books back the very nice librarian woman just told me to make sure I kept an eye on the dates and allowed me to wander off with the little bit of change I had left. Nice lady, you get a biscuit.

Ready to go, almost

Yup, and it's after 2pm, a record? not for me lol! What I have managed to achive so far today is some toast, a shower and to get half dressed which is something I need to rectify soon if I'm going to make it to the library, much later and I will throughly lose interest in trying to go anywhare at all. Good thing is although it's freezing and I'm not relishing the walk, it's at least bright.

More hospitalness

This morning started off at 8am *eek* (another early start blah!) as I had an apointment for an echocardiogram just another in a long line of general tests to see that everything is as it should be. Started off with me almost giving the poor doctor a heart attack as when everything got started my heart was going at a staggering 118 beats per minute! That's what "white coat syndrome" as he called it will do for ya. Slowest it got was 103 which definately made things easier as with it going as it had been things were moving too fast for him to get a good decent picture and idea of how things were working. I found it the absolute strangest experience to look at the screen and watch, hear my very own heart doing what it generally does lol! I couldn't quite decide between fascinated and freaked out but the end result was that everything looks perfectly ok :)

And now for something completely different...

Shortly after yesterday's entry NTL boradband had problems, enough that it shut down the computer for the night (ethernet thingy wasn't doing squat...) but it just so happened that She Creature was on again to entertain me and once more I was totally entralled by Rya Kihlstedt as "Syrena". As a woman I have no problems stating that another is absolutely beautiful and she is stunning. Even though she has very, very little to do bar a few noises and screeches and one word (a name) just like a real life siren her whole persona, "look" intrigues and pulls you in, I find I can never take my eyes off when she is on screen, danger and power abound.





And just in case anyone is wondering, I'm totally fine about this mermaid "fetish" ;) lol! No, nothing to worry about here *giggles*

Home Sweet Home

Well I'm back, and I can just hear the screams of joy and raucous applause Heh! Anyway, been up since 4am with only a couple of hours (if even) of real sleep, add in all the travelling and I am physically beat and groggy. I really need to lie down but already tired and edgy and knowing sometimes that dozing off for a couple of hours makes me worse I may wake up homicidal so I may just keep going until I fall down.

Somewhat subdued...

Guess who's back in England again. I swear to the gods besides the Ozzy gig (if he turns up, but hey 3rd time lucky right? yeah....) next year will be an England free zone. Mainly because it seems that I don't "do" flying so well anymore, it's only a half hour flight but each time seems to knock me on my ass harder and make me feel quite out of sync. Horrible, horrible, horrible... the car journey to my friends house from the airport is about an hour and I don't think I spoke a word, just wanted to close my eyes. Makes me wonder how the trip planned for Australia in 2005 will go, I guess I ignored the fact that on the last trip there i didn't do so well either. It's just really annoying, I love flying and relished each moment of any trip right from the airport but the last couple of years well... blah..... Is it age? Is it just something that happens? Inquiring minds wanna know.

Old friends

Just spent about an hour talking to my absolute best friend who last April went to Australia for a year. We haven't really got to have that sort of more personal interaction since she left, I love her letters and the wonderful pictures she sends but this was just so nice... I really miss her...

Oh my aching back!

Yup, people with osteoporotic spines really shouldn't spend entire days haunched over a computer... Unfortunately parapsycholoy diplomas require you do a certain ammount of work which becomes more if you get lazy *pokes self*

I'm now in real need of a stretch and some walking about before I can even consider poking about and catching up on my usual haunts and my own stuff.

Tea!

Well, smokey boy has gone having had his fill of web surfing. I managed to win only one game of "smoke in hall" but still, victory was mine!!!!! mowahahahaha! *cough*...

And now I think tea, yes a mug of tea, I just feel like it.

Blah...

I'm soooooooo wasted... As mentioned didn't get to sleep until early(ish) Sat morning (wasn't restfull either regarding the headacheyness..) and then was woke up to go help with the shopping. Saturday night mum decided we should have an "us" night. My brother is gone for the weekend and as usual by 8pm my dad was in bed. Because she works nights and sleeps most days when she is off she really likes that we spend that time together which normally leads to a bottle of vodka some good films and talking quite a lot of rubbish lol! It was fun :) Somehow she managed to find "Rain Man" (Cruise, Hoffman) on TV, a film I hadn't seen in years and it kept us entertained, though quite frankly the ending is very abrupt, there seemed to be much more they could have done and I didn't remember it seeming to cut out like that. Meh...... oh well. On the topic of films we decided to rent The Hot Chick, total and utter silliness and stupidity and certainly not an original plot or concept but I laughed my ass off, somehow it just works helped along by Rob Schneider, who is just damn funny. Didn't end up getting to bed until 5am this morning, So to say I'm a little shaky on it is an understatement lol!

Anyway enough waffle lol! the chainsmoker is due to arrive any time soon so I better clean up around here and steal myself for a battle to enforce the 'smoke in the bloody hall!' rule though I generally lose *shakes head*

I'm still here

We lost cable. Cable 101 folks, don't pay them late or they will totally drag you through the crap... they really don't like to play nice because they have had to wait a little *rolls eyes* A certain family member is responsible for making sure all money collected gets to the provider because the account is in his name and occasionally he "forgets". Regardless, I still don't think that 3 days passing from from his indeed paying them and us having to threaten to have the whole thing taken away is good enough and there is mutiny afoot people... or at least talk of such but since it has been turned on again we are a calmer lot.
Heh...

On the hospital appointment front all seemed to go really well and the doctor who dealt with me seemed genuinely nice, although it is not her decision as to whether I continue to receive benefit or not. Guess it will be a waiting game to see what those on high make of what she had to report. She did look quite perturbed though when repeated whacks on the knee with that silly hammer thing didn't result in my leg bouncing up on automatic lol! I've never had that reflex, reaction and I've always found it quite a silly thing *shrugs*

For now I'm calling it a night I've been heavy eyed and headachey for most of the day so I'm going to give my eyes a break and maybe head to bed.

*Cough, Cough*

Have had one of my friends here most of the night and he smokes........ which I can't stand. As it's November, cold and raining I really couldn't put him out but the place reeks and I'm irratated as hell . The pissy mood is not helped by the fact that today at 9:50 is the aforementioned doctors appointment. Anyone who knows me knows how uptight I get about hospital appointments in general, never mind this idiocy....

No lunar goodness for me...

It's so completely clouded over that tonights Lunar eclipse is totally wiped out as far as I'm concerned :( even some web broadcasts that I've managed to find have given up, the rest aren't even working *sulks*

How... odd...

I'm awake.... but I did promise myself that the best part of this day would be spent studying for that parapsychology diploma I mentioned a while back. I'm feeling good about it right now as I just got my first paper back and managed a whopping 98% :) *happy dances*

Gah! *shakes irate fist*

Another stupid, annoying hospital appointment has been arranged for Monday... Ever feel like a lab rat? I'm fucking sick to the core of it all now. How could I have dared hope that this was over and done with 15 or so years ago... Yes, I have had problems with my bones for most of my life, and various other strange things that have been dealt with but due to the fact that I got talked into getting an updated look at things I have had a slew of the same tests and general poking about that I went through for years way back then, blood pressure, heart, level of bone suckiness and on and on... I know they are neccessary but I'm weary of it all.

However I'm more pissed about this one than any other because it's not a requested or needed test by any doctor whos' care I'm under, nor by anyone who cares about what's going on or not because they in all likelyhood won't ever be seeing me again... I have and will go through enough and I'm in no mood for useless wasting of my time and uneccessary crap. You see, I have been off work for the best part of a year because having been made redundant, having going back home and agreeing to see where the land lay because my back was giving me some aggravation it was discovered that my spine was not in the best shape, lets say they referred to my bones as sand, and untill I can build them up to some degree or at least they stay at the same level of degradation for a while I have been signed off and pick up monthly sick notes so that I can get a pittance of benefit to live on, now being at home it's fine, I'm generally broke but I don't do a lot so I can let it build up and it just about covers my trips to my friend in England and allows for me not to be overwhelmingly overdrawn, and I am permanently overdrawn. But I digress, anyway it's the benifits office that are demanding proof and have requested I see one of their doctors to ensure I'm worthy of continuing to receive money... because yeah.... I'd put myself through pain, carrying heart and bp monitors around, x-rays and echo cardiograms for hilliarity and because I'm bored. Meh......

On a funny note, my friend just phoned me to tell me she fell over on the way back from work and broke her hand *shakes head* poor thing she was in agony. What makes me laugh is that I'm the one with the shitty, fragile, very easily broken bones and I've fallen all over the place, done all sorts of daft things and haven't broken a damn thing lol!

Cold, cold, cold!

It's so stormy tonight, I love it :D. It's pouring and the wind is incredible it's probably not as insane as it sounds in here but living above the garage with just a single wall it sounds like the whole place is going to cave in lol! Feels like one of those nights I could just curl up warm and listen to it's comforting noise.

I meant to ...really

Yup, I had plans for today, didn't quite work out lol! So.. the place is still a frigtening mess, clothes and stuff everywhere. I gave up because I didn't even know where to begin. Shameful isn't it? Even the hamsters have tried to chuck out their own bedding *shakes head* think it's time to hit the sack, looks like the cleaning gets added on to tomorrows fun!

Home!

Finally back on Friday Morning, friend came with me and didn't leave untill yesterday.... which makes it almost 3 straight weeks of one persons company.... waaaaay to much for me I need my routine or i'm just a mess. Halloween was fantastic, even thought the initial place we were heading for closed for the whole weekend! What was up with that!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrr! Anyway, decorated the room with candles, lanterns, banners and before we left drank a bottle of champagne and some good ole Jack before, decked out in vampy gothic glory, we headed for our second choice of venue and had one hell of a night weeeeeeeeeee!

Had a cool surprise wating for me when I got home. I had ordered a pair of purple horns from the very creative Mem and they arrived safe and sound, did manage to get a couple of drunken and very fuzzy cam shots *laughs at self* bit crappy and dark but what the hell!