Saturday, November 27, 2004

Growl..
Music: Placecbo - 'Nancy Boy'


Let me tell you a little something about me, I tend to get real fucking annoyed and pissy if you phone me and tell me your coming over and hours later I'm still waiting... Especially if it's hitting 5.30pm and you phoned and woke me at 11.30am to tell me, knowing damn fine that at that time of the morning I am not awake, nor generally want to be. People who have no intentions of coming over until the evening (should this person actually arrive at all and if they do they better be apologizing as the door opens) really shouldn't tell me they are coming, until they actually are cause, ya know, I tend to do normal things like get up and race about getting dressed etc thinking someone is about to walk in my door any minute when it's not necessary. It makes me frustrated and makes for a bad and groggy day because as mentioned before here and there I never feel too well on waking up and and if it's rushed or sudden I don't seem to recover for the entire day and it's a bit of a waste.

Dear smokey boy does like to wind me up and no doubt will be find my little tantrum upon his arrival (whenever that might be next) highly amusing and delight in telling me that I should be up and around anyway. like 15 years of knowing me hasn't given him the 'keep away from me until I wake up naturally' clue (again especially if you don't need to! grrrrrr...)

/end rant

)O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O(

Thursday, November 25, 2004

How's this for bizarre
Music: QOTD - 'Forsaken'


I decided last night to make a conscious effort to recall any dreams I might have. Didn't take much because these were so vivid as to in no way be easily forgotten, but did they have to be so weird!

I'll admit the first one I don't remember a lot of besides the fact myself and others were in a run down building, I think repairing, building etc but also being hunted, attacked and harassed by a huge grey squirrel Godzilla style *cough* yup I said huge grey squirrel (what the hell goes on in my mind?)

Second one, I was again in a building, a school and it appeared I was some kind of teachers aide. I walked in the room I was asked to go to and it was huge with a huge cinema screen and a teacher from my old secondary (or high) school settled in a chair with only 2 seemingly very unruly pupils. She runs the film, I have no clue what was on the screen, and it's not going long before I perceive paintings and carvings of animals, opaque and foggy floating and coming in and out of view just in front of the screen, of course I am overly excited about this and I'm shouting about how these images are Mayan, everyone freaks out, scared and it's now obvious they are aware of them as well, the two young pupils run out the door screaming with me not far behind to get them back in class.

As soon as I open the door, I stare down the corridor but there is no sign of them. The classroom door next to ours opens and standing there wanting to know what the commotion is about is a guy I used to work with at a cinema of all places lol! He seems to be a teacher I know as 'Bert' (in fact his name was Gavin, no idea why he should arrive in my dream as 'Bert' lol!) and I go on to tell him what's just occurred. He informs me it happened in his class to and seems to be slightly disturbed at our reaction to it and then closes the door. At that moment I woke up.

I cannot for the life of me imagine why these people after all these years would be running around my head *sheesh*

(and yes, today has been a better day, quiet and better.)

)O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O(

Monday, November 22, 2004

*Blinks*
Music: HIM - 'Gone With The Sin'


Wow.... 22nd already huh? Strange how what you think has only been a day or two between posts can turn out to be 6. Not that there has been much to say, besides that I have been generally agitated, freaking out and unfocused, aimlessly roaming around, watching things go on around me, visiting my normal online haunts without much to contribute and drinking too much to become numbed. I have been fidgety, mentally feeling like it's hard to breath, that it's all to chaotic. More and more over the last few days I have confined myself to my room because unlike most of the similar experiences I've had, physically this was telling, so before I exploded, hyperventillated, started rocking in my chair or pacing the house in frantic mode I thought it best to be as little around my family as possible. I am left feeling dissassociated and alien, feeling like I'm decending into madness lol! But the fact I can rationalize this means it's obviously not quite the case just yet, besides today has been a better day and as always these things pass.... I feel quieter 'inside' not so much trying to escape my skin, this world that so scares me sometimes *sigh*

Deep for the usually amusing me that most people probably would rather read than the above. Anyway, asides from that it's November, almost December and freezing so I'm told but I am overly warm, the false, stuffy central heating irratates me, has my already overly heated self sweating and I am avoiding the house also for that reason. My garage room = single wall, cool temperature and I don't need to spend ages leaning out an open window to feel the wind, the cool air whip around me.

)O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O(

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Pissy....
Music: None


...due to the fact I am so hungover that if I were an animal I would be put down. Mad at myself but I never learn, there is little point in my stating I will never drink again because even I'm not that good at lying, especially to myself.

Now, I'm going to take my shaky, sorry assed self off to lie down in the dark somewhere and try not to throw up.

Kill me now....... oh and just to add to the whining, my poor broken toe, just might be infected, the bruising and pain had gone, thought it was well on the mend but it's now nice and shiney red, little swollen and painfully throbbing like mad suddenly *sniffle*

)O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O(

Monday, November 15, 2004

Double the delight hehe!
Music: Ville (HIM)/Lauri(The Rasmus)- 'Bittersweet'


My two favourite finnish prettyful bois in one video? It can't be! Ahhhhh but it is!!! bittersweet (right click on link, then 'save target as' and save it wherever you want to have it, you know you want to!) *drools and watches again*

(courtesy: Marina of www.rasmuszone.tk)

)O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O(

Utterly drained
Music: Marilyn Manson - 'Nobodies'


stiff and bone weary and no real reason for it... I'm just energyless and I have to go into town tomorrow (boo hiss) and I dun wanna *pout* but the visa people want paying, I need to arrange travel insurance and get some money changed to dollars although those last couple of errands are amking me realize just how close my little Florida vacation is coming up. I think I need it, I really am just more than a little stir crazy and all over the place *gasp*

)O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O(

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Spiritually Remiss...
Music: Cradle Of Filth - 'Absinthe With Faust'


Yes, I have been. I have felt it like a huge hollow that needs refilled, bereft of direction, empty, soulless and there is a chaos in that sort of absence that permeates every aspect of your life. Without a private and undisturbed space, where what is fundemantal to me and my beliefs may freely be 'on view' I had seemingly become complacent. Changes are afoot... I decided last night to lock my door, to take time out for me, reconnect, meditate and it was incredibly emotional, enough that I know at one point I was in tears, but one thing was repeatedly made clear and that was not to fear being me, everythng that I am, somehow I understood that really that apathy and complacency was born of a deep seated fear of those things and of others reactions and perceptions and that I can acomplish what I need to regardless somehow. I then, feeling brave, wandered out into the garden and sat there filling parchment with thoughts and wishes for myself and others watching the smoke carry them upwards as they burned and revelling in the night sky. It felt good :)

Anyway, on to more mundane ramblings that people won't find so strange lol! My friend finally left, again an entire day was devoted to cleaning up afterwards and getting my small space back to normal. She did leave me a little gift, the flu... so yeah haven't felt to great in general the last couple of days and only have my voice back properly today. Also a very cool and funny scottish chick I met at the Rasmus gig has been in touch which was realy cool, making new friends in the real world I find quite difficult so bonus! :)

)O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O(

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Still buzzing! wooooo hoooooooo!
Music: None


The Rasmus were unbelieveable, I can't even describe just how amazing that show was. I'm speechless. Lauri is just beyond gorgeous. I will just end by sticking up the couple of half decent pics I did manage to get :D









hehehehe! Now, off to fall over somewhere :D

)O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O(

Saturday, November 06, 2004

*Squeal!*
Music: The Rasmus - Time To Burn


Concertness! Yes I am overly excited *bounce*

*runs off*

)O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O(

Friday, November 05, 2004

Owwie...
Music: Placebo - 'Special Needs'


My body it would seem demands symetry. A while ago I broke a toe, and now I have managed to break the very same toe on the other foot gah.... However, it's The Rasmus gig tomorrow so I'm still smiling, can't say that will be the case for anyone who happens to tread on my foot heh...

Now, back to being a hostess as my friend has just come in.

)O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O(

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Bad night
Music: None


Irritable, emotional, frantic, hungry, mess made of skin. The end

)O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O(

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

I think I survived Halloween..
Music: Placebo - 'Twenty Years'


I'm just about feeling back to normal now. Headed for a local bar with my friend (here until the 8th, hence the slight quietness and lack of net time right now) all vamped up, where strange cocktails, vanilla vodka, jack daniels, and cider conspired to make for a very drunk me. Had an interesting conversation with a random woman who was fascinated by the fact that I was wearing a pentacle necklace and then promptly skewered some guys hand with a rather lethal spiked ring I was wearing when he shook mine lol! And note to the general public do not ask a very drunk person wearing fangs to lick or bite your hand because they injured it... uhhhhhhhh they just might oblige (sobriety is a good thing people)

I shall now go stand in a corner and think about what I have done *cough*

)O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O( )O(




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lurking: online
date: March.27.09
mood: Low..
thinking: people....
drinking: coke zero
eating: nada
watching: Goth'N'Roll
reading: 21 Years Gone (Jack Osbourne)




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