Just for Erin
Music: Fear Factory - 'Cyberwaste'

Because I'm in a bit of a silly mood and I said I would try and incorporate a certain word into a sentence lol!

'No officer, there are definately no carci hidden in my basement *cough*'

(*giggles* that was the best I could do right now hehehe! Though if anyone else cares to try go ahead lol!)

I'm covered in beeeeeeeeeees!
Music: None

Obviously not literally :p lol! I have tonight watched a documentary on 'Killer Bees' (otherwise known as 'africanized'). As someone as irrationally petrified of bees and waspy types, basically anything that buzzes and stings, it probably wasn't the best idea. My head knows that they aren't here, they are sub tropical, so this thing informed me, and it's really too cold here for their survival but right now If I heard a buzz and caught a flash of black and yellow I would probably be in another country before I stopped running. No mean feat considering this place is a ruddy great island and water isn't really condusive to running, but hey I know how to swim lol!

Anyway, I think i's time for an early(ish) night, too many late ones for one reason or another and I'm just not feeling so healthy.

Hehe...
Music: Greenday - 'Walking Contradiction'

Your Boobies' Names Are: Cheech and Chong

Get your own Boobie Names

(snagged from Robyn's)

*Calm*
Music: Dogs D'Amour - 'Wait Until I'm Dead'

I am slightly less annoyed right now, and £60 richer. Yes, surprisingly my brother did appear with the minimum payment as promised. He assures me that he has moved the £2000 into my credit card account but that I haven't checked on because quite frankly I don't want to know just right now in case I find out he has been spinning me more 'I know this is want you want to hear and I want to go now please' crap and hasn't bothered. I don't feel like going looking for a reason to be homicidal today, and it's not like this won't be waiting should I decide I want to deal with it.

In other events myself, Erin and Gregor are involved in a group blog, a sort of 'Goths on Blogspot' I guess :D Goths On Fire it's relatively new of course and we're always looking for other interested parties who would like to be involved etc. Just leave a comment or contact one of us to let us know you'd like to join ;)

And now, it's find food time.

For fuck sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Music: COF - 'Hurt and Virtue'

Just what the fuck is wrong with my brother, how does he rationalize spending £2000 on my credit card without telling me and letting me find out when the bill comes in. I was in tears, now I'm beyond fury and gods forbid anyone crosses me today... I just can't believe it, it's like he's trying to ruin me and he doesn't seem to get how scary it is and how the interest on that sort of money will cripple me. I'm fighting to clear it, keep it down as it is just from what is my own stuff and all that has been added in interest etc from lending my mother money. Telling me 'well, it was something I was doing at work and I just put it through' doesn't cut it buddy, it's not your fucking card and you can't just go using the number willy nilly when you feel like it, it has to stop I can't be waiting every month to see how much more it has spiralled out of my control because of familly, and I can't even share the stress or talk about it with anyone because I don't want to upset them (ie the parentals) and because I still find myself protecting him from their wrath, though someone please tell me why? I can't believe he thinks this is alright to do to me, I can't believe he thinks placations of 'I'll put it in your account I swear' and 'I'll give you the minimum payment they are looking on top of that' will make it better. He just has no right, and every time I think he has grown up he pulls shit like this *rants and fumes* and yeah, fuck a few more times too.

Christy Moore - 'Burning Times'
Music: None

In the cold of the evening, they used to gather.
Neath the stars in the meadow, circled near the old oak tree.

At the times appointed.. by the seasons..
of the earth, and the phases of the moon.

In the center, often stood a woman,
equal with the others, respected for her worth.

One of the many.. we call the witches,
the healers, the teachers, of the wisdom of the earth.

And the people grew in the knowledge she gave them,
herbs to heal their bodies, smells to make their spirits whole.

Hear them chanting healing incantations,
calling for the wise ones, celebrating in dance and song...

(...Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali... Inanna... repeat x2)

There were those that came to power, through domination.
They were bonded in their worship of a dead man on a cross.

They sought control of the common people,
by demanding allegiance to the church of Rome.

And the Pope, he commenced the inquisition,
As a war against the women, whose powers they feared.

In this holocaust, in this age of evil,
Nine million European women, they died.

And the tale is told, of those who by the hundreds,
holding hands together, chose their deaths in the sea.

While chanting the praises of the Mother Goddess,
a refusal of betrayal, women were dying to be free.

(...Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali... Inanna... repeat x2)

Now the earth is a witch, and we still burn her.
Stripping her down with mining, and the poison of our wars.

Still to us, the earth is a healer, a teacher, and a mother.
A weaver of a web of light, that keeps us all alive.

She gives us the vision to see through the chaos.
She gives us the courage, it is our will to survive.

I just had to find this tonight, was driven to have these lyrics. I remembered hearing it live for the first time when I went to see him and how everything, the people, the noise of the crowd just drifted away and how beautiful the song, the words were. It has been stuck in my head and so here it appears :) And wow... just reading, it has made me cry *deep breath*

*Scratches head*
Music: Wildhearts - 'Caffeine Bomb'

First received mail of the day lol!

'hi,would you mummifie and encase me in plaster for a while.....serious'

People are strange, and yeah who honestly expects replies when they send that out? *roflmfao*

Ohhhhhhh... I did a bad thing...
Music: Cradle Of Filth - 'Mannequin'

heh.. So, I'm not one for overly bright lighting, and if you suddenly spring it on me I will hurt you but I digress lol!, anyway I normally just have my halogen anglepoise lamp kinda angled (now there's a surprise :P) just over the top of the monitor and did not forsee any problems with this arrangement. That was until today and the cleaning bug hit. Feverishly polishing everything in sight I went to do the top of said monitor.... and discovered the lamp had, I guess over time, melted the corner and there is now a hole right through *eep* I am suitably not impressed.

In good news I did manage to find me a pillow thing in an attempt to aid the neck strain and stuff. This is a rather strange thing, it's just like those travel pillows, you know, the ones that are sort of like a horseshoe shape and go around your neck but softer, more 'pillowy' and even has a cover lol! I'm going to give it a try no matter how weird I must look hehehe! Though I admit I looked a lot stranger wearing it in the car on the way home to try it out, some poor guy nearly got ran over he was so surprised for a moment :D

Just roaming/cool linkyness
Music: Magnum - 'The Spirit'

Can't believe I haven't come across the PowerGoth Girls before hehehe! Yes, I'm very easily amused :D

A blessed Mabon
Music: none

The second of the harvests, the Autumn Equinox which divides the day and night equally, when we can take time to reflect on our personal 'harvests', acheivements and on the oncoming darker days of winter as well as giving thanks for the waning light.

May it be memorable :)

Fookin' skin....
Music: WASP - 'Love Machine'

I am going insane arg!!!!! I have an excema outbreak right now, which is uncomfortable at the best of times, but this time it's realy, really bad. I normally only have it on my arms but it's behind my knee, just under the crease where it bends and it's a mess. Talk about the 'itch/scratch cycle? this is insane! It's all open, raw, red inflamed skin and weeping, (pretty huh?....) absolutely just waiting to get infected and it's such a relief to scratch it even though it's painful now. The more I scratch the more it wants me to, it becomes obsessional and you could almost float off into a trance. If I carried on long enough I'm sure to hit bone heh... I can't even bend my knee or have clothes near it because they stick to it as it's 'wet' *wonder's how many people she can manage to gross out lol!*

*mumble mumble, scratch scratch*

Arrr!
Music: WASP - 'Blind In Texas'

Yes me hearties it's Talk Like A Pirate Day! The things I know eh? lol! Now me and me parrot are off to plunder in yonder kitchen!

You are The Cap'n!

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

No rest for the wicked...
Music: None

I need a new bed, new pillows, something because I'm just waking up with sore heads and strained necks too often, making me even more grumpy, just waking up is traumatic enough for me because I tend to feel sort of ill and 'out of it' anyway. Grrrrrrr... Mornings suck. Can you tell petulant old me just woke up?

And now, in the words of 'The Gothinator' (which I just dubbed myself and made up and it made me laugh) 'I'll be black' (and yes, you must say it in Arnie voice or a curse upon you)

*out*

Numb
Music: Marilyn Manson - 'Personal Jesus'

My apathetic butt is so numb it hurts, and I'm aware how strange that sounds, from my sitting on it almost the entire day. Jebus..

Meh...
Music: None

What the hell am I doing. I'm so tired I'm pretty shaky, I got myself into a paranoid spin about life in general in a terrified 'animal caught in headlights' kind of way and I have been totally apathetic about anything else really. I hate when this happens, when I berate myself for everything, for choices made, for choices I refuse to make and the mere mention of 'future' what's going to happen, where, how I'll end up stresses me so much it's ridiculous and I want to cling to everything that is comforting, makes sense, is static and familiar all the more.

My brother the comedian...
Music: None

I woke up to find a text message on my phone. My brother was wondering if I would be so kind as to transfer 300.00 into his bank account as his car payment is due and he doesn't have it. I stared at the phone in stunned, hazy, just awakendness and decided I will be pretending I was never sent any such thing. His income a month - around 2000.00, mine - around 300.00. Hands up those who think I am so generous as to leave myself penniless for the rest of the month, ignore the visa company (do you think they accept 'sorry, can't this month, bro needed his car paid for so very sorry!') and to explain to my sis that she has no 1st wedding anniversary present because I am broke due to giving our male sibling money I don't even have.

That's the truth of it, I don't have 300.00 just laying around, and why is it that everyone in this house asks me the non earner for money *scratches head* The interest on my visa bill is crippling me because of a large amount of money I agreed to lend to my mother at the end of last year on the promise of it being given back immediately. Well I still have not received it all and because of the interest accrued the amount has only gone down by 200.00 though 500.00 has actually gone in at this point.

To end, at this point, if I had 300.00 to pull out of my ass, I very much doubt it would be going to pay someone else's bills. Much as I love him, probably would if it was there and I wasn't in a position where I would be stressing about getting it back, it isn't happening this time. Now, excuse me while I go and feel like the bitch sister from hell because I won't give him money.

[update 1:45pm] So, he decided to phone me because he hadn't had a response. I pretended I hadn't read any messages yet, made out like I read it while he was on the phone and laughed while telling him he was nuts. I told him I didn't have it and he is in a slight panic *continues to feel shitty* On top of that the tips of my fingers and the knuckles on my right hand are all red and sore. That's what I get for giving hamsters food and leaving my hand in when they are starving. (they knocked both the food and water bowl over at some stage last night when I was asleep) little beggars swarmed me like they were tiny, mad, furry, pissed off pirranahs! All sniffing round then rushing in to pick at me. I mean, is that normal?! LOL! Or is this particular breed generally a little on the psychotic side, there is also all the climbing and hanging on the roof etc that is generally not noted hammy behaviour lol!

Sunday, Sunday...
Music: Kerrang radio

Well, just back from the cinema and have to say The Terminal was surprisingly feel goody good :D I really wasn't entirely sure how I was going to be entertained for 2 hours by a guy wandering around an airport but somehow it worked. Hanks was phenomenal.

And now in 'me um big hunter!' style I'm going off in search of foodstuffs.

And the human race proves it's idocy again...
Music: GreenDay - 'Minority'

Left in the guestbook:
maybe youll listen to what im going to say, but if not, i'll be disaponted....most of my fellow vampyres and i are against sites like this. watch out for what you say. i'd hate to have to stop your words~

Like the use of 'vampyres' doesn't already tell me this is some roleplaying space cadet. Who lets these people near a keyboard huh? Can't you tell I'm shaking in my lil vampire boots.... heh! Even in jest I don't appreciate threats of any kind on me or the site I've worked my ass off on but then I have to remember this is so obviously a headcase kid.

Miss Anonymous hehe!
Music: Enuff 'Z' Nuff - 'Kiss The Clown'

Yup, apprantly I was, at least comment wise, elsewhere. Earlier in the day yesterday my 'default' Netscape (which I primarilly use because I.E sucks and is so mangled on my 'puter) profile decided it too was not going to play and so I created and used a new one until the default, with all my newly gathered bookmarks and settings, decided to be friendly again. What my brain thought it would keep to itself was that this new profile would not autofill those little comment type things with my nic and addy as the other had. Me being so used to it happening I just rambled away, didn't think or check and when I did this morning and saw of course I had a lightbulb moment lol! So yeah, got strange comments from an unknown being IT WAS ME! hehehehehe! Although I guess anyone who knows me would know it was me simply by what I would have to say and the way it got said :P

Aside from that I need gift ideas... It's my sis's first wedding anniversary on the 20th which means I really need to get my butt in gear if they are going to have anything from me reach them in time. I should go into town today, but I'm having a total blank, besides it's Saturday and that place is hell on toast at the best of times never mind the weekend so I might leave it until Monday when it's quieter and all the little mini peeps are at school. So *pokes* yeah, anyone got any ideas? *looks hopeful* I have been told the first one is the 'paper' anniversary if that helps lol!

Ohhhhhhh, heh! I have just remembered I was on the phone to my old boss last night, he must now think I am utterly nutso.

The Green Fairy has landed
Music: HIM - 'Gone With The Sin'



I take no responsibility for any insanity that may ensue. Heh!

Too much spending *meep*
Music: The Rasmus - 'In My Life'

Damn the interweb and plastic spending power which gives me the safe cosy illusion that I have money, gah! Anyway thanks to both of the aforementioned I am now off to see The Rasmus In November and as I have mentioned before I am also off to see HIM in October. I am heading for finnish heaven hehehehe! I think I have a finnish men fetish lol! Ohhhhh yeah! *kidnaps Ville and Lauri*

I think I'll stop now... :p

Back to your regularly scheduled nonsense
Music: None

Well, my space is finally my own again and I admit to being flooded with relief and also a strange pride at my managing to cope with not only the stress of dealing with having someone so vastly different in personality from myself so close 24/7 but also with the various ways everyone else around not only bombarded me with their looks and quiet comments regarding the same subject but her need to make everything so much more of a deal than it needs to be i.e I don't make an hour drama and have to go through a list of what I have and what should go with it and ask everyone in sight for there opinion to get dressed, not to mention the huffing and puffing to get her to do anything that wasn't her idea. I don't want to feel I need to say sorry and pull a 'please' face because myself or others are trying to include in things going on in the house etc, like my bro's engagement party, or when he wanted her to come in see the ring before he gave it to his love. She also doesn't seem to understand that me mentioning something doesn't mean I need to immediately get online and sort it out, find out about it, arrange doing/getting whatever it may be right then that moment, or make a list of how to go about such. An instance? I mentioned my sisters wedding anniversary is coming up and immediately I am to be getting the card and she is asking me what I'm getting them, pointing out things I should be getting them, just get something, anything because I should that day being out and all. I don't work that way, I don't buy things like that without some sort of thought, or having specific ideas of what I want. I am even more likely to dig my heels in if you put me under that sort of pressure. Things will happen when they happen, I will never be miss organized and treating me like a child that needs directed may be the way some people react to the way I am, may occasionally be necessary but it does not mean I won't occasionally pout, fold my arms, stick my tongue out and be utterly frustrated and want you to give it a rest sometimes.

I did feel a little guilty and uncharitable as she left, as normal I tried to see both sides. What must seem my total chaotic way of being, as it must seem to her, probably drives her just as crazy. Or perhaps we're both just masochists?... Anyway I hit the guilt over the head while it wasn't looking and fed it to the hamsters.

And now for something completely different:

Take the quiz: "Are you an independent thinker?"

A Passive Independent
You are an independent thinker but you don't feel the need to fight everyone on it. You shake your head and quietly snicker when you hear all the propaganda, and you grumble to yourself when you hear the gossip. But hey, what are you gonna do?

To close Hellboy fucking rocks, managed to get to see it, had nooooooo idea Ron Perlman was Reinhardt from Blade 2 though I immediatly had to tell anyone who would listen that I knew it was 'that guy who played vincent!' in Beauty and the Beast Gods I remember thinking that show was the best thing ever way back then. I know it's around 17 years ago lol! but there must be more than me remembers it! I do beleive I possibly cried when 'Catherine' (Linda Hamilton) died.

Nighty night!

Happy Happy!
Music: Placebo - 'Brick Shithouse'

I love when the mailman brings cheery stuff! So as anyone who happens to have been reading this over a while knows I go through a lot of various mri and bone scanning because they are so crap among various other problems. But this may not be so for much longer, things may never be perfect but the letter I recieved from the hospital this morning claimed delight in telling me that since the last time, my bone density has shown a 'significant improvement' I must be doing something right. Anyway, this makes for one happy lil mD :D

And now, gotta go get ready as my friend has an interview for a job here today *eeep....* and I have a few errands to run in the same area.

(ohhh and just an afterthought, seems to be an almost daily visitor from Redditch, *waves* hehe!)

Happy Anniversary!
Music: The Pogues - 'Streams Of Whiskey'

34 years ago today my mum and dad were married. Wow, I just can't even comprehend what it takes to keep it together that long. *applauds* uhhhh so well done you two I guess lol!

Aside from that I managed to catch Ed Wood last night. I am beginning to think that if Johnny Depp just came on camera and stood there for an hour and a half I would watch lol! It was just a brilliant show all round :P