Random musing

I can be, strike that, am obsessive/compulsive, this I know, There are no half measure for me as demonstrated by the fact I haven't heard anything but 'And Love Said No' since it entered my home. But no, there is no rest even when it is off because the damn songs buzz around my head even as I drift off to sleep. They have put something in the CD, yup, that's what it is *looks shifty and rambles about subliminal messages* lol!

Someone tuck me in?

I'm still petulant, feeling sorry for myself, a little lost and overlooked and just tired. So blah, I'm going to try going to bed (little uptight because they have been breaking into houses here the last few nights, and one right behind us... and I'm up here, quite on my own) and hope tomorrow won't be/feel just so heavy.

My mother

Must be the most fucking infuriating woman on the planet! She is one of those Jekyll and Hyde characters, you never know who your going to meet or what insignificant word or thing you do will bring havoc reigning down around you.

I made the mistake this morning, when dealing with a form, of stating when she asked me that I didn't remember the name of the doctor/practice I was registered with in England (it was maybe 2 years ago and one visit!) because as the form is to register with a local practice here, they wanted the information. Poor deluded me didn't realise this would unleash 'the beast' with immediate effect resulting in overboard and unwarranted ranting and raving of incredible porportion with her flying around the house like a demented dervish screaming about how sick she was of the stupidy and lack of anyone knowing anything yadda yadda. We must remember that this woman is the center of the universe, resents the shit out of doing anything that doesn't concern her, knows everything and oh yeah, is always right. I decided against going anywhere with her as we were due to bring the form in and do a few other bits and pieces and went to the sanctuary of my little garage room.

On to later, I decided to go in and grab something to eat and decided maybe I should make an effort and stayed in the living room. Then my father came home, and that's all the man had to do. Seems We're all out to tramp the poor woman who oh my! has to cook, work and all those awfull, horrid things she is obviously much too good for. No-one can do anything right, and no-one understands her.

Think I've been harsh or scathing? This is the scaled down, calmer version of what might have been here when I was really angry about it. I just really needed to say it. I can hear cries of 'move' Well, I can't afford it now and quite frankly my feet are likely to never step on the property ladder and as my space is 'outside' of the house so to speak I can just up and walk out and I do. I simply just want to walk into the house without having to check if my very breathing is acceptable. That, and for her to understand that when she is quite fine a few hours later and I'm still seething with rage I'm allowed to be, that the hurt and frustration doesn't end on my side because she's a happy bunny now.

Boy, such seemingly teenage angst and parental rebellion from a 32 year old, gotta laugh...

weird

I'm just well.... antsy. Anxious in that butterflies in stomach, foot tapping way. I'm tired and my breath just feels overly cold to me. You'd think a bomb was going to drop on my head or some equally impending doom lol! Gah, just hate that I can't explain it and it's been tugging at me all day. Ah well c'est la vie eh?

Children in Angola tortured as witches

"Helena Kufumana makes a pathetic witch.

Far from exuding wickedness, the 13-year-old schoolgirl is nervous and shy. Her "101 Dalmatians" cartoon T-shirt is grubby and doesn't fit. She swings her bare feet beneath her chair in the hyper way that all kids do. And she cries a lot. Especially about the torture." - continue reading

I'm too horrfied and sickened constuctively respond...

I knew if I waited long enough...

That I would get a snap of one of my tiny furries on the bars of their roof lol! It's cute on a whole new level, my hamster thinks it's a bat hehe! You can see how tiny s/he is and the distance betwen the floor and the roof in comparrison. Do not ask me how they get up there, that, I haven't managed to catch yet.

WOOT!!!!!!!!!

*Happy dances!* Who wouldn't be dancing at the thought of a free holiday!!!! Ok, so it's not until July, but as one of my closest friends birthday is in the same month my mother has just informed me that she is sending both of us away. I'm not sure where yet, I guess it will be wherever she gets the best deal for. I don't care. It will involve a plane, a hotel and a swimming pool in a strange new land lol! And I am so, so very ready for a break, for something, anything to inspire me, for a difference in the mundanity and monotony of every day.

More 'Passion'

Well.. I've been ousted from the living room *sniffle* because certain people want to watch football of all things *rolls eyes* within a second I was directed to BBC news and although I've already ranted about it here - this just takes the biscuit. Now that it's here, my aunt happened to be passing a cinema as it let out and informed me people were 'wailing and crying'. I swear, it's like they think they will be stoned on the street if they don't come out of there upset enough.... sheesh.......

*Note to self*

Ads are on (and don't they just go on forever on cable...) and we've just been reminded that the clocks go forward an hour tonight. I should probably just change them all now or I'll just forget and wander about in a time confused daze, though since I do that most of the time anyway (hell sometimes it's all I can do to figure out what day it is) I guess it's no real biggie.

Shopping

That's what I want to be doing right now, I have this inexplicable urge to be spending a king's ranson on myself. Unfortunately that would require leaving the relative safety and sanity of my home and getting myself into town. And I don't wanna.... i have however been spending money that is not mine (credit cards/paypal and ebay are bad people!) online and that's pretty scary, but really it hasn't been a massive ammount of money maybe just over £20 so I'm not going to panic. For that I now own a
heartagram beanie and one of the cutest handmade penguins ever. Just look at the cuteness lol!

And now, living TV is having a Queer Eye for the Straight guy weekend, Carson just rocks. I expect to be occupied for a while :p

People......

Seems here attacks linked to racisim and homophobia are up 60% Why am I not surprised, you can't tell a people who have existed on bigoty and hatred perpetrated by and at each other for so long that they have nowhere to direct that now. For years, terrorisim, sectarianism, violence has been the 'norm' the target just changed because the same thugs need to direct it somewhere now that things are 'peaceful' *sniggers*. We are a hate filled lot..... tell us a behaviour is no longer tolerable, crack down and we'll just find another focus for it.

Gone With The Sin - HIM

I love your skin oh so white
I love your touch cold as ice
And I love every single tear you cry
I just love the way you’re losing your life

Ohohohohoh my baby, how beautiful you are
Ohohohohoh my darling, completely torn apart
You’re gone with the sin my baby and beautiful you are
You’re gone with the sin my darling

I adore the despair in your eyes
I worship your lips once red as wine
I crave for your scent sending shivers down my spine
I just love the way you’re running out of life

Ohohohohoh my baby, how beautiful you are
Ohohohohoh my darling, completely torn apart
You’re gone with the sin my baby and beautiful you are
You’re gone with the sin my darling

music/lyrics have a way of expressing innermost thoughts and feelings without you ever having to say the words yourself.

Lingo Lesson

As if the accent isn't enough, from a local paper:

Ulsters most irratating sayings:

1. Okey Dokey
(yup, strangely that was number one!)

2. Youse
(you lot ie: " youse aren't listening")

3. Here's me
(I said)

4. Hi
(mostly localised to certain areas, like Ballymena where they said it after every sentence lol! "I'm away to the shops hi")

5. Not to Craigavad
(not too bad)

6. Bout ye big man/mucker
(how you doing)

7. So I did/so it is
(I went to the shops so I did/ that's good so it is)

8. C'mere till I tell ye
(I'd like to speak to you)

9. Quit your slabbering
(stop talking)

10. I'll knock your bake/pan in
(your in trouble)

Yup, we actually say these things lol! dear gods lol!

Mindless chit chat

Didn't feel like staring mindlesly at the monitor for hours on end for the sake of it and accomplishing absolutely nothing, so I decided to entertain myself with Pirates of the Caribbean on DVD which I just happen to now own thanks to a friend (so it's a copy and I don't get the extras but...meh.. don't care) and it's hysterical. Not a bad way to spend a couple of hours, Depp is suberb, but I don't think I've ever not liked anything he's done and he just seems to get better and better, and boy... he was looking good :p Perhaps I should stop drooling now....

As they say where I'm from...

My head's turned (translation: I am a basket case) I can't explain it, can't describe it or put it into words so I'm not going to try.

So... on another tangent alltogether, if you haven't already go buy lots of HIM musical goodness. What can I say, they rock.

yup, that's it. True random insanity...

Close enough in part...to be interesting...



I'll bet you expected this answer. You already knew you were a DARK ANGELIC, didn't you? You are similar to a demon but slightly different in that you don't revel in evil...you revel in pleasure. Your wings resemble an angel's but if that's so then you are a Fallen Angel - your love of sin caused you to be cast from the Heavens.

They are black as raven wings and are nearly as dark as your desires. You are faithless and love it - you believe there is no Judgement Day to fear and so you can do what you want! You have a refined concept of what is sexy and a slightly chaotic sense of 'fun.' In fact, you love chaos and view much of what you do as a game. You are typically attracted to those that will challenge your mind, power, and wit...and are 'dangerous' people like you.

It's not unlikely that you are bisexual or at least open to the concept, because you seek excitement and passion everywhere and in everyone.

Chances are you have a special talent for magick - you're a powerful being and you know what you want. Like a Serpent of Eden you like to try your powers of seduction and manipulation, though your intent is rarely to cause harm. You have a deep, dark sense of art and/or poetry, because your mind is a deep, dark place.

While typically smirking, amused, and sarcastic, you are capable of severe revenge and a passion and intensity unrivaled by any other. In your eyes life is for enjoyment and pleasure - nothing else. If you're not having fun in your own twisted way, you're not happy.

You are easily bored with the vast majority of people. You are most likely drawn towards the Gothic subculture and probably adore Goth music, art, and style. Many people look down on your seemingly careless lifestyle and may even consider you 'slutty'. Not true. You just know you're sexy and you're damn proud of it. Dark Angels have an outlook most like Satanists - loving sin and looking to none but themselves for power.

Congratulations! You're my kindred spirit. As far as I'm concerned - you know what life is REALLY about.

Have fun...Muahaha.


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

Passion? I think not...

A quote from the front page of a local newspaper. So it's already old news in the USA - but as usual way behind, the film is just hitting here now.

"CATHOLIC priests have taken the unprecedented step of urging their congregations to watch a controversial film depicting Christ’s final hours. The church is predicting that The Passion of The Christ will serve as "a great tool for evangelisation" and rekindle the faith of lapsed Catholics.

Massgoers at one west Belfast church have been encouraged to watch with "open minds and hearts" when the movie comes to Irish cinema this week."

Hahahahahahahahaha! well this 'lapsed catholic' won't be going anywhere near it. And if the trillion other versions of the same story that have been churned out haven't had me racing back to beg forgiveness and rejoin the 'flock' you can take it as read that this one won't be doing so either, why would it, because it's more 'shocking' , more violent? Shows his true and real suffering? Riiiiiiiight... Like we don't do more horrifying things to each other in the name of religion every day. Spare me. And don't give me the 'burn in hell' crap, I'd have to believe the place existed to have any worries about my souls salvation on that front.

So Cute!

Just had to share, this is the uber sweet St. Patricks Day Pooh Bear from Disney that my friend brought over for me as a present, isn't he gorgeous! :D

Friday Five

If you...

1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?
Chinese or Italian

2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?
Alternative, rock/punk/metal clothing and accessories.

3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be?
Horror/fantasy

4. ...ran a school, what would you teach?
English (I do have a love for the language) or Music

5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?
Rock/Metal

*Grin*

HAPPY ST. PADDY'S DAY!!

Cell phones

Ever have one of those friends that only call you on your mobile and that talk, talk and talk some more untill it's red hot in your hand and you think if you just hung up they wouldn't know and would carry on mindlessly coversing to no-one? I do and we've just had a nice chat. It is partly my fault though I'm hard to get on the phone so they seem to think they have to make up for all the missed calls and voicemail messages in one go when I finally answer. Still 45 minutes or more with that thing stuck to my ear is not good, and I don't like it so I end up just getting frustrated and short by the end of the conversations and even more determined to leave the thing where I can't hear it and feel compelled to heed it's noise. Don't even get me started on those who think you have money to burn responding to text messages for hours at time becasue they think every single one requires a reply. It has to stop somewhere people! And some just don't require it, if you send me information you have already told me your going to send do we really need to have the 'ok i got it' 'good' 'thanks' yadda yadda yadda texting marathon because if I don't I get one asking where I am or why I haven't answered.

So. yeah occasionally I hate my phone. I feel better.

Now, time to clean this place up and get some laundry done, tomorrow we're picking up my friend as she's coming to stay over St. Patricks. Woot! This time I will try to make it back without a scar a la New Years...

It flew, I fled...

Yup, my little yellow and black stinging visitor (aka wasp intruder from previous post) took off from the wIndow in my direction. I screamed like a banshee, knocked over my chair and fled the room. How pathetic. In the house I demanded that someone eject the buzzy beggar and my father obliged while eveyone else laughed themselves sick. I still want to know where it came from, if there are more, and probably for the silliest reason, although I do not want to get stung, it won't kill me, however I have now pretty much freaked myself out that they might get through the bars to my tiny roborovski hamsters, and I think a good sting would probably kill them so yeah.... paranoia.

On the head front, thank the goddess for migraleve which has left me 'aware' but not in pain. I'm still concerned that it's 3 days.

So...

Town, lunch with the sis was such fun, haven't laughed so much in ages, she is a silly girl lol! She wanted to see her friend before she left so decided to spend the night there shortly after we got home and she's now on a boat on her way back to Scotland. I was doing allright untill late evening when I felt my both sides of neck start to really pulse and pain creep up my head, just happened so suddenly, no build up, no getting worse and worse just *bam* when I thought it was under contol and I couldn't bear it. Took some more painkillers and tried to settle for a bit to let them work, occupied myself with some mindnumbing, easy watching tv untill I had had enough and needed to go to bed.

This morning more of the same, that threatening stiffness and dull niggle, I feel like I'm wading through mud, slow, lost and alien to this environment, I want to cry. I want to sleep. I want it to stop, this pain, these feelings, just give me a break I'm wearing thin.

edit: I'm not feeling stressed out or worried enough as it is and now just about to close I look up at my window and I don't know how it got in but there is the biggest son of a bitch wasp and I'm terrified, I am phobically horrified of these creatures and I'm afraid to turn my back on it so that I 'm 100% aware of where it is. I've opned the window and now I guess I'll sit here in flee mode, trying not to stress and cause myself further head pain should it take off around the room and hope it goes out.

Morning world!

Last night was really good :D sat up untill the wee small hours catching up with the sis and going over her wedding album, she hadn't seen it all put together yet as the photographer is from here, he sent it to us untill she could get it. I suppose we could have risked sending it to her but it's not worth chancing it not making it/getting lost/damaged etc. I was surprised I could make any effort at all, most of the day my brain felt like it had decided to see the world via busting out my head from behind my eyes and my stomach was threatening to empty whatever was in there to join the brain on it's excursion... was a little upset about that because I wanted to be in better spirits, took some ibuprofen, slept a little and by the time she arrived I was capable of not sittting rocking with my head in my hands.

Anyhow, I'd better start getting dressed etc, we are heading into town for a bit of window shopping and some lunch, neck and eyes are a littlel sore and stiff so I hope this damn head doesn't think it's coming back *shakes fist*

Ta ta for now!

Friday 5

1. What was the last song you heard?
Marilyn Manson "Fight Song"

2. What were the last two movies you saw?
Had a LOTR marathon, the fellowship and two towers back to back.

3. What were the last three things you purchased?
black suede knee boots, set of wine glasses, desk lamp

4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
My sister is viting this weekend so can't really plan for anything lol! (oh, well 1 thing, clean bombsite that was previously my room...)

5. Who are the last five people you talked to?
Pretty much all familly

Good news all round!

Seems my little sis is coming over from Scotland for the weekend, hurrah! And those parapsychology results finally made it 98% Go me! *happy dances*

Still around...

I'm prone to depression, my life is ruled by the highes and lows, I know sometiems I ramble here, I seem one minute so desperately sad and the next waffling cheefully about something else. Awake I decided to have a read, to see if any of my daily perusals had been updated, one in particular had been, Orb's and her latest post just had me in tears, touched a nerve so raw even I have denied it's full impact "I don't know. I'm just not happy, and it's not a matter of any one thing making me unhappy" "I feel so inconsequential and useless. I feel as if I have nothing to offer to the world but myself, and it doesn't feel like enough ... like it can ever be enough." (and I hope she doesn't mind that I quote) it's just that it so personified it for me and I understand, as best I can, as it pertains to me, I am not she. It hurt to see that side of me so exposed and out there, though it wasn't my words, but it has to be one of the bravest, most honest posts I've seen.

Brrrrrrrrr....

Damn but it's cold, I swear one of these mornings I'm going to wake up frozen to death... Part and parcel of living above a garage which is just a single wall I guess, so pretty much when it really goes for it in the cold stakes means I have ice on the inside of my window. Thankfully it hasn't got to that sort of level and during the day with my little oil heated radiator it's fine, but there's no way in hell I can run that all night, may as well just stuff cash inside it lol! Waaaaaay to expensive.

On another note, when I do drift off seems in my dreams there is nothing but 'war' on a huge scale, which unsettles me....

Eh?

Libertarian Purity Test

your libertarian purity score is : 72

What Your Score Means: 51-90 points: You are a medium-core libertarian, probably self-consciously so. Your friends probably encourage you to quit talking about your views so much

lib·er·tar·i·an ( P ) Pronunciation Key (lbr-târ-n)
n.

1: One who advocates maximizing individual rights and minimizing the role of the state.
2: One who believes in free will.

Not a bad score, still where is my 100% dammit :p

I can't be...

the only one that this terrifies..... really I'm horrified. Not for a moment do I think this won't have repercussions not only for those growing non gm crops in proximity to those that do but for wildlife.

Nature, she won't be contolled or dictated to in such a way haven't we learned as much? As someone who's own personal, spiritual beliefs are fundamentally connected to nature I'm outraged, you should be too.

What next...

*Small sqeak!*

The results of my second parapsychology module are due to arrive in the next couple of days, I've been so scattered really with nerves about it, I never have the faith in myself to believe I've done perfectly ok. I'm the one who convinces herself of just how badly she has done so that prefectly acceptable marks come as a great surprise and relief, alternatively there is a smugness about being proven right and failing miserably. I guess it's simply a case of if I believe the worst and it happens I don't feel quite so let down or annoyed about it, there's no real fall or dissapointment when you have no expectations.

However, I demand to be told I will do fabulously, think of it as your good deed for the day :p

The exorcist bunny style!

More mindless entertainment because I love the film lol! be afraid...

Non productive Sunday

Have spent the day at my grans being tortured by precocious, obnoxious, small things also known as 'very young cousins'. I swear to the goddess they sense fear..... "look! there's an older and bigger one who looks terrified that we will attempt communication and interaction with her! Let's follow that one!" I did my best to disuede them "No, really I don't want to draw a witch, I can't draw, I'm useless ask [insert closeby relative] they will" "No I'm not going to show you my mobile phone, no you can't play with it, no you do not need to see what it looks like!" "stop poking me in the forehead" and so on.... you get the picture lol! I think there were just too many people in general for me, seems the entire familly decided to decend and crowd out the small and overly warm house. Was nice to catch up a little with the adults, but I'm glad to be home, waaaaaaaaay to tired to have coped with much more.

Now, to keep you further entertained:

My life has been rated:
See what your rating is!

Too funny, hehe!





(source)

You know your too close when...

Your mother feels it's now appropriate to inform you of her suicide attempt.... Fuck it I missed a cheesy porno flick on Bravo that I could have been laughing my ass of at for that interesting 'I do not need to know' conversation...

Grumpiness

Mainly due to lack of sleep, for some reason my feet were insanely cold last night, painfully so and I could not warm them, kept me awake and really frustrated, got up and decided to head for the shower and initially my feet were actually still throbbing, or tired I guess, strange, like the effort of trying to keep themselves warm and the moving about during the night had made them feel they had walked for miles lol! I'm glad to say though they do feel better. Has made me already wary of trying to sleep tonight, just in case, I'm digging out the hot water bottle!

Friday Five

(none last week well, cause there wasn't one :p)

what was...

1. ...your first grade teacher's name?
*meep* Way to long ago, can't remember...

2. ...your favorite Saturday morning cartoon?
For some reason I remember Thundercats, he-man, she-ra and such lol!

3. ...the name of your very first best friend?
A girl called Karen who used to live at the bottom of the street.

4. ...your favorite breakfast cereal?
Ready Brek *still love it*

5. ...your favorite thing to do after school?
Play in the street with everyone else for as long as we could get a way with it lol! and watching the telly :)

MOO!

Just back, great night :) as if vodka and LOTR could be bad! Not drunk as such just pleasantly fuzzy :) May I just add do not send me IM's while blatently online and not respond if I actually answer, it wastes my time, pisses me off and I fucking hate them enough already. M'kay? Thankies :)

Escape!

Yup, I'm finally getting breaking free of these four walls, even if only for a short while. I'm heading out to my cousins to watch Lord Of The Rings and have a drink. Hurrah!! How easy it is for this to be so exciting when your scenery doesn't change for days, perhaps weeks at a time and things seem so static. I know there are others who feel the same, whos' days revolve around trying to make each replica of a day within the same space different or interesting. It's easy to lose your voice, to find yourself with little to say with little social communication.

But for now, gratefully i'm outta here! :D